Hey.

For the first time in maybe my entire life, I genuinely do not know how to talk about this.

I am going to try, and I WILL fall short, and this will be a very spotty all over the place email and you will be disappointed and say "Riley I thought you were supposed to articulate these dark abstract concepts why the hell did I even sign up for this" and to that I say...

So I just got back from Morocco. I half-planned half-attended the retreat Irrational Optimism was hosting. Jake absolutely crushed it, E-go (ya that E-go) is an 11/10 human and I rode a fkn camel.

But despite the absolute insane things we got up to (check out @irrationaloptimists on IG we'll be posting a crazy recap vid), two main things really stuck with me:

1. The magic of taking a FORCED mental break
2. The fucking conversations you're allowed to have with people that you're not having

First, by FORCED mental break, I mean physically packing your shit and leaving.

I am truthfully not a huge traveler (for reasons I will now talk about in a later email. thanks for the idea Reader I owe u one).

BUT, when you just hard-reset your thought patterns, take a mental cold pluge, you force your brain to STOP thinking about what you're used to thinking about.

I was definitely in a bit of a rut, and being forced to not think about what I'm having for breakfast, who I need to respond to on Slack, what I'm hitting in the gym etc. was incredibly freeing.

When I got back to my desk yesterday, those thoughts started to come back. But they didn't feel habitual, like it's just "what we think about." They felt a lot more tangible, like I could grab them and choose whether to keep them or chuck them away.

There's a high likelihood that a lot of the thoughts you have in a day, good or bad, aren't yours. And if they are they aren't intentional.

You can either meditate for an hour everyday until your brain shuts up, or you can pack a bag and book an Airbnb far enough away that it doesn't feel familiar and completely unplug for 3-5 days. It's worth it.

Second, MAN you can have some fkn conversations.

Absolutely massive shoutouts to Connor, Blake, Kyle, Ray and anyone else who got a Nagasaki-level dose of yapping from me on the trip.

I had conversations where we talked about things I genuinely thought I would die before being able to articulate.

On levels deeper than "deep talks" -- not on past trauma or sad experiences or insecurites. Levels and levels and levels deeper than that.

Things that are so deep I haven't even been able to THINK about because I didn't know where to start.

And they flowed so naturally.

And that is about all I can say on that, because I have no idea how the fuck they happened, man.

I will be actively spending a large portion of my mental energy to recreate those conversations. To surround myself with the people where they happen naturally, in environments that promote them.

I am horrible at maintaining relationships but I will try really hard to keep these ones up.

All I can say:

People are waiting for you to give them permission to open up.

It's why a huge part of charisma is learning how to be an active listener, to drop people's guards and let them trust you.

Often times if you shut up and hold space for someone to just vent (which everyone is DYING for, so pls use this for good) they will turn around and tell people how likeable of a guy you are.

You can literally go out with your mates, have 2 too many drinks and just drop a fkn bomb on them. See what happens.

Very, very few people are brave enough to open Pandora's Box of "holy shit we can talk about that?"

You know that aliens talk you had in highschool in your buddies' garage when he stole his older brother's bong?

When you had a bunch of literal meatheads who previously said nothing more than "yeah bet bro" articulating crazy abstract ideas and you were all like "woahhhhhhhhh"?

You can do that now. Without drugs. Or a garage.

People are DESPERATE to talk about really meaningful deep gut wrenchingly vulnerable topics. It's really hard, and it's scary, but they WANT to do it.

It's not that they're too scared or uncomfortable... It's that nobody gave them permission to try it.

So go do it.

And reply to this email letting me know how it goes.

- RL